How do I find a nice man? 27 tips for meeting men

You're single and wondering: how do I find a nice man? Maybe you hardly ever come across new men. Maybe you go on dates regularly, but that real click never comes. Or you do meet someone attractive, only to find out later that you're looking for very different things.

Finding a nice man isn't a matter of the perfect opening line, the right outfit or luck alone. You increase your options by meeting new people, having sincere conversations and looking more consciously at who is right for you. And you don't need to go out every weekend or swipe for hours to do it.

In this guide you'll find 27 concrete tips for meeting nice men: where you can come across them, how to get in touch with a man who appeals to you, how to take the initiative online and how to tell whether someone is suitable for a relationship. Including an overview of places to meet, example lines, common mistakes and a practical 7-day plan.

The short answer: if you want to get to know a nice man, combine three things: go more often to places where new encounters happen, make low-key contact and look not only at attraction but also at mutual interest and shared relationship goals. Online dating can be a useful addition, especially if your daily surroundings offer few new singles.

1. How do I find a man who is right for me?

Before you start looking for nice men, it helps to think about what you're actually looking for. Not to put together a perfect man on paper, but to avoid putting energy into contacts that don't fit your life.

1. Describe the relationship you want, not just your ideal man

A tall man with a sense of humour, a good job and the same taste in music may sound attractive. But how do you want to treat each other? Do you want a partner with whom you do lots of things, or someone who understands that you also need time for yourself? Are you looking for a committed relationship, a living-apart-together relationship, or do you want to get to know someone at a relaxed pace?

Start with the relationship you want to build together. Psychologie Magazine also emphasises in an article about the partner who suits you (Dutch) that values within the relationship can be more important than a list of superficial partner traits.

2. Choose three values you can't do without

Think of reliability, humour, open communication, independence, being family-oriented or curiosity. Choose three and make them concrete. What does reliability mean to you, for example? That someone keeps their promises, is honest and communicates clearly?

That way, when you meet someone, you look beyond a nice photo or a funny first message.

3. Distinguish between preferences and real boundaries

A preference is, for example, that you'd like to meet a sporty man. A boundary is that you don't want a relationship with someone who puts pressure on you or repeatedly fails to keep promises.

You can be flexible about preferences. Safety, respect and important life choices are not up for negotiation. That distinction prevents you from rejecting a lovely man too quickly over something small, or from staying too long with someone who isn't good for you.

4. Think about what fits your life in practical terms

Are you a mother, do you work irregular hours or do you live in a smaller town? Then availability can be just as important as a shared hobby. A man with the same rhythm of life doesn't have to lead exactly the same life, but there needs to be room to see each other.

Distance is personal, too. For one person twenty kilometres is already a lot, while for another a relationship over a greater distance works perfectly well. With local dating you can discover singles in your area in a targeted way.

5. Leave room for surprises

A man who doesn't meet every point on your wish list can still be a very good match for you. Maybe he's less extroverted than you're used to, but you can talk with him wonderfully. Or you have different hobbies, but similar ideas about the future.

When you meet someone new, ask yourself instead: do I feel comfortable, am I curious and do I see opportunities to get to know each other better? You don't have to decide after a first meeting whether this is the right partner.

2. Where can you meet nice men? 12 places with opportunities for contact

Where do you meet nice single men? Not only in a bar or through a dating app. You can also meet men during activities you enjoy anyway. The best place is usually not the one with the most men, but an environment where conversation can arise naturally and where you like to be.

6. Choose a hobby where you see people regularly

In a walking group, cooking club, running club or choir you see the same people regularly. That creates room to get to know each other gradually, without every contact immediately having to become a date. Do choose something you genuinely enjoy: that makes it worthwhile even if you don't meet anyone there.

7. Make use of friends and acquaintances

Tell a few people you trust that you're open to a new relationship. Not with the request to set you up with someone straight away, but so that they can invite you to a birthday, dinner or other occasion where you get to know new people.

A dinner party where everyone brings someone the others don't know yet is a relaxed way to expand your social circle. Even without a romantic click, the evening isn't wasted.

8. Try activities where it's easy to talk together

A pub quiz, cooking workshop, board game night, volunteering activity or city walk offers a natural topic of conversation. You don't have to start out of nowhere with ‘Hi, are you single?’: something is already happening that you can both respond to.

9. Go to events that match your interests

Think of a book festival, food market, concert, local fair, sports event or cultural activity. If you want to find a man who shares the same interests, a setting like that is a more logical starting point than going somewhere at random in the hope of bumping into someone.

10. Visit the same cosy spot now and then

Do you have a favourite coffee bar, a regular walking route or a fun neighbourhood activity? By going there more often, you'll start to recognise faces. A simple conversation after a few encounters often feels less nerve-racking than suddenly approaching someone on a busy Saturday night.

11. Go out on your own sometimes

Going alone to a lecture, museum café or small-scale event doesn't have to be awkward. You set your own pace and sometimes have more room for a chat than when you're with a big group of friends all evening.

Choose a place where you feel safe and at ease. Going out on your own is an option, not an obligation.

12. Consider a singles activity or speed dating

An organised singles walk, cooking evening or speed dating event has one practical advantage: everyone knows that getting to know new people is the point. That makes making contact more straightforward. Check the target group, age categories, costs and reviews of the organiser in advance.

13. Use online dating to look beyond your usual circle

If you mostly see the same colleagues, friends and neighbours, you may meet few available men in daily life. A dating site can then help you get to know new single men outside your own network. Don't just look at photos, but also read what someone writes about his interests, lifestyle and relationship goals.

On 4Match you can create a dating profile for free, search in a targeted way and send messages. That's especially handy if you're consciously looking for someone who suits you, rather than only waiting for chance encounters.

14. Combine online and offline instead of choosing

You don't have to choose between ‘meeting a man in real life’ and online dating. For example, plan two activities a month where you meet new people and also set aside time now and then for a good online conversation. That way you don't depend on one way of meeting people.

Overview: 12 places to meet nice men

Important: not every man in a nice place is single or wants to be approached. Pay attention to the situation, keep a first contact friendly and short and respect it if someone shows no interest.

3. How do I get in touch with nice men without it getting awkward?

You see a man who appeals to you. Should you wait for him to take the initiative? Certainly not. You're welcome to start the conversation yourself, even if you're normally a bit shy. The goal of a first contact like this isn't to get a phone number or a date straight away, but to find out whether you enjoy talking to each other.

15. Start with something that's happening at that moment

A remark about your surroundings often feels more natural than a rehearsed opening line. At a market you can ask something about a stall; during a workshop you can respond to the assignment. Keep it simple.

Example: ‘I can't decide between those two dishes. Have you tried one of them yet?’

16. Use the formula: observation, own experience, question

Suppose you're standing next to someone during a city walk. You could say: ‘I didn't know this little street existed. I've lived here for years and I keep discovering new places. Do you come here often?’

You make an observation, tell something about yourself and ask a question. That gives the other person several hooks to respond to, without it feeling like an interrogation.

17. Ask a follow-up question instead of changing the subject straight away

Does he tell you he loves cycling? Then ask what his favourite route is or how he got into it. Share an experience of your own too. A good conversation doesn't come from constantly thinking up new questions, but from listening and building on the answer.

18. Look for reciprocity and wrap up kindly if it's missing

Does he laugh, ask questions back and keep talking of his own accord? Then there may be interest. Does he only give short answers, look away or want to get on with what he was doing? Then it's perfectly fine to end the conversation kindly.

You don't have to convince anyone. A pleasant encounter is something both people contribute to.

8 opening lines for approaching a man in real life

1. In a coffee bar: ‘It's my first time here. What would you order?’
2. During a workshop: ‘Do you have experience with this, or is this your first attempt too?’
3. At a museum: ‘I found that piece surprising. What appealed to you most?’
4. At a sports event: ‘Are you mainly a spectator, or do you play this sport yourself too?’
5. At a pub quiz: ‘We got completely stuck on that music round. How did it go for you?’
6. At a birthday party: ‘I don't think we've met yet. How do you know the host?’
7. At a book launch: ‘Have you read anything by this author before?’
8. During a walk: ‘What a beautiful route. Do you know any other nice places around here?’

Say it in a way that suits you. A relaxed ‘hello’ with a sincere question is enough. You don't have to be funny, provocative or eye-catching to come across as interesting.

From a nice conversation to contact details

If the conversation is going well, you can simply suggest talking again: ‘I really enjoy talking to you. Would you like to go for a coffee sometime?’ Leave the other person free to say yes or no. You can also suggest a low-key next step, such as meeting again at the next group activity.

4. Getting to know a nice man through online dating

Online contact can be easier to start than a conversation with a stranger on the street, because on a dating site you already know that someone is open to meeting new people. But how do you make sure it becomes more than superficial chatting?

19. Create a profile that says something about your life

Use recent photos and don't just write ‘I'm spontaneous and fun’. Tell, for example, what makes you enthusiastic, what you like to do and what kind of relationship you hope to find. Concrete details make it easier for a man to send you a personal message.

Example profile text: ‘I'm happiest on a long walk with a coffee stop, an evening of elaborate cooking or a spontaneous day out. I'm looking for someone I can laugh with, talk to honestly and make the ordinary days enjoyable with too.’

20. Dare to send a first message yourself

See a profile that appeals to you? You don't have to wait. Pick one detail from his profile and respond to it. That works better as a sincere conversation starter than just sending ‘hi handsome’.

Examples of first messages:

• ‘You write that you love travelling. Which destination would you visit again straight away?’
• ‘Nice that you love cooking. What do you make when you really want to impress?’
• ‘I saw you like walking. Do you have a favourite spot?’
• ‘You mention live music. What was the last good concert you went to?’
• ‘We live surprisingly close to each other. Do you have a favourite place for coffee?’

21. Let the contact turn into a date at a relaxed moment

There's no required number of days of chatting. If you both show interest and it feels good, you can suggest a simple meeting in a public place. For example: ‘I'm enjoying our conversation. Shall we have a coffee somewhere on Saturday afternoon?’

If you'd like more certainty beforehand, a short video call can be nice. For extra inspiration, you can also read our extensive dating tips for online conversations and first dates.

5. How do you recognise a man who is really right for you?

A man can be attractive, charming and funny, but that doesn't tell you everything about your possibilities as a couple. If you're wondering ‘how do I find a man who is right for me?’, pay particular attention to the contact that develops over time.

22. See whether his behaviour matches what he says

Does he say he'd love to see you and then make concrete suggestions? Is he honest when he's busy? Does he take your time into account? Words can be beautiful, but reliability shows in behaviour over a longer period.

This isn't a test someone has to pass after one date. Look for a pattern of mutual attention.

23. Find out whether you can talk about important topics

Do you have roughly the same expectations of a relationship? Can you talk to him about boundaries, free time, children or future plans when that becomes relevant? And does he listen when you think differently about something?

You don't need to agree on everything. It is important, though, that differences can be discussed and that you take each other's wishes seriously. If you're clearly looking for a serious relationship, it's wise to discuss this at an appropriate moment too.

24. Don't confuse excitement with commitment

A strong first attraction can be wonderful. But uncertainty about when someone will reply, constantly changing attention or repeatedly cancelled plans are not automatically signs of special chemistry.

Ask yourself: does this contact make me happy, or am I mainly busy guessing what he feels? A nice man who is right for you doesn't need to keep you in constant uncertainty.

25. Give a good first meeting time, without ignoring signals

Sometimes you don't feel fireworks straight away, but trust, humour and curiosity do develop. If the first date was pleasant, a second meeting can be worthwhile. You don't have to choose someone because he's ‘perfect on paper’, and you don't have to keep dating when boundaries are ignored.

Handy comparison: green flags and points of attention

Note: one awkward moment isn't immediately a red flag. Look at recurring behaviour, communication and how someone reacts when you set a boundary.

6. What if you rarely meet nice men?

It can be discouraging if your circle of friends consists mostly of couples, your diary is full or you've been single for a long time. A few practical adjustments are often more useful than putting pressure on yourself to find a relationship faster.

26. Change one small habit instead of your whole life

For example, choose one regular weekly activity with people you don't know yet, say yes to an invitation for once or send a message yourself now and then. Try something you can keep up. A walk with a group is more useful if you enjoy it than a singles night you go to reluctantly.

27. Search in a way that suits your stage of life

In your 30s: work, wanting children or busy schedules may play a bigger role. Be clear about important wishes, without turning every date into a job interview.

In your 40s or 50s: you may have a previous relationship behind you, children or a life you don't want to turn completely upside down. Look at which form of being together suits you both; a living-apart-together relationship can also be a conscious choice.

Over 60: you may be looking for companionship, a new love or someone to do things with. You can easily meet new people through clubs, activities or over 60 dating, at your own pace.

There's no age at which you're ‘too late’ to get to know someone. It's about making room for the relationship you want.

Common mistakes when looking for a nice man

• Continuing to search in the wrong places: if you never meet new people, little will change. Choose an activity outside your usual routine for once.
• Judging a man on looks alone: attraction counts, but so do behaviour, values and reciprocity.
• Waiting for him to do everything: starting a friendly conversation yourself is a perfectly good way to show interest.
• Seeing every conversation as a potential relationship straight away: getting to know someone can also simply be fun, without high expectations.
• Chatting endlessly when you want to meet: if the interest is mutual, make a low-key suggestion.
• Holding on to one-sided contact: you don't have to convince anyone to make time for you.
• Confusing rejection with your self-worth: sometimes it simply isn't a match; that doesn't mean you did something wrong.

A 7-day plan to get to know more nice men

You don't have to find a relationship this week. The goal is to concretely increase your opportunities and make it easier to make contact.

Remember: the goal isn't to collect as many men as possible, but to find yourself more often in situations where a nice encounter becomes possible.

Getting to know a man safely: online and on a first date

Being open to new contacts is great, but take your boundaries and safety seriously. Don't share your home address or financial details straight away. Don't let yourself be pressured into switching to another messaging app, and never send money or gift cards to someone you've met through dating.

For a first date, meet in a public place, arrange your own transport and tell someone you trust where you are. A short video call can help you get to know the other person better beforehand, but it's no guarantee. If in doubt, you can find advice from the Dutch Fraud Helpdesk on dating fraud (Dutch) or from the fraud reporting service in your own country.

Frequently asked questions about finding a nice man

How do I find a nice man if I meet few new people?

Change one recurring habit: sign up for a group activity, go to an event or let people around you know you're open to meeting someone. Online dating can also put you in touch with singles outside your existing circle.

Where do you meet nice single men?

That can be through friends, sports groups, courses, volunteering, events, singles activities, cafés and dating sites. Above all, choose places that match your interests and where a conversation can arise naturally. Not every man you meet is automatically single.

How do I get in touch with nice men?

Start with something simple that suits the situation: a question about the activity or a remark about something you're experiencing together. Then ask a follow-up question and tell him something about yourself too. If you notice mutual interest, you could suggest meeting up again.

How do I get to know a nice man online?

Create an honest profile with recent photos, say what kind of relationship you're looking for and respond to personal details in the profile of a man who appeals to you. Get to know each other through messages and meet in a safe, public place when you're both ready.

How do I find a man who is right for me?

Decide what you find important in a relationship, for example reliability, humour, communication or a similar lifestyle. When dating, don't just look at the initial attraction, but above all at respect, mutual interest and how you deal with differences.

How do I approach a man without being pushy?

A short, friendly question is enough. Give him room to respond and respect his answer. You don't have to flirt if that feels forced, and you don't have to continue the conversation if the interest doesn't seem mutual.

How do I find a nice man after 40 or 50?

Look for activities or online dating options that suit your interests and stage of life. As the connection grows, discuss important topics such as available time, children, distance and relationship goals. You don't have to change your existing life completely to make room for a relationship.

How do I know if a man is serious?

Pay attention over a longer period to whether his words and actions match. Does he take initiative, keep his promises, ask about your life and respect your boundaries? Also talk about what you're both looking for. No single signal gives certainty, but consistent and respectful behaviour says a lot.

What if I keep meeting men I don't click with?

Check whether you often search in the same environment or mainly go by the same first impressions. Try other places to meet, open yourself up to different personalities and consider giving a pleasant introduction a second date. Always let your boundaries guide you.

Conclusion: finding a nice man starts with a real encounter

There's no magic formula for the question ‘how do I find a nice man?’. You can, however, create more chances: choose settings you enjoy, make contact yourself now and then, combine offline activities with online dating and take the time to find out whether you're really right for each other.

Meeting a man is the first step. Finding someone you can laugh with, talk to honestly and build a good relationship with then requires mutual attention. You don't need to change yourself for that.

Want to meet nice men outside your own circle of friends? On 4Match you can view profiles for free, search by preferences and interests and start a conversation yourself. That way you can discover at your own pace who you'd like to get to know better.

One small step for today: choose an activity you feel like doing or send a personal message to someone who appeals to you. A new introduction doesn't start with perfection, but with contact.