Dating tips: the complete guide to online dating, conversations and first dates

You want to meet someone you really click with. But how do you find a relationship if you don't quite know where to start? What do you put in your dating profile? How do you start a conversation without a tired opening line? And when is it time to meet in real life?

In this complete guide you'll find 35 practical dating tips for every step: from a good profile and a first message to a pleasant meeting and a possible second date. You'll also get 12 examples of opening messages, a worked-out chat conversation, 15 fun date ideas and a checklist for meeting safely. No tricks for seducing someone, but advice for finding out in a relaxed way whether you're a good match.

Dating tips in brief: know what you're looking for, show yourself honestly, make your first message personal, ask follow-up questions, dare to suggest a low-key date and above all check whether the interest comes from both sides.

1. Finding a relationship starts before your first match

A lot of dating advice starts with the perfect opening line. But if you're looking for a fun or serious relationship, it starts earlier: with the question of who you want to meet and what you both find important.

1. Think about what kind of relationship you're looking for

Do you want a committed relationship, a living-apart-together relationship or to get to know someone at a relaxed pace without expectations first? You don't have to map out your entire future, but a little clarity helps. Someone who would like to live together and have children may have different plans from someone who consciously wants to keep their independence. There's no right or wrong answer; what matters is that your wishes are compatible.

2. Distinguish between wishes and dealbreakers

A shared taste in music is nice, but usually less decisive than trust, respect or a similar stage of life. Write down three qualities you find important in a relationship. Also think about what really doesn't work for you. That way you avoid going only by an attractive profile photo.

3. Search in a targeted way, but not too narrowly

Filters for age, distance and interests make online dating manageable. Just don't set them so strictly that nobody is left. Maybe a nice single lives 35 kilometres away instead of 20. Or someone has a completely different hobby, but you share the same humour and relationship goals. Use filters as a tool, not as a checklist a person must fully meet. If you mainly want to search close to home, read more about local dating.

4. Give getting to know each other room

Not every good match immediately gives a spectacular feeling. A few messages say little about how someone talks, laughs or treats others. Do stay critical of behaviour and boundaries, but don't write someone off straight away because a chat starts less sparkling than you'd hoped.

5. See dating as getting acquainted, not as performing

You don't have to present a perfect version of yourself. The most important question isn't: How do I make this person like me? But: Do we both feel comfortable with each other? That takes the pressure off the conversation and makes it easier to stay yourself.

2. Online dating tips: how to create a profile that leads to conversations

A dating profile doesn't have to be long. It does need to show something that makes the other person curious. A few concrete details often do more than general words like ‘sociable’, ‘spontaneous’ and ‘enjoys life’.

6. Choose a recent, clear profile photo

As your first photo, use a clear image in which your face is clearly visible. Where possible, add other recent photos of you walking, cooking or doing a hobby, for example. Avoid old photos, excessive filters and group photos in which it isn't clear who you are. You want to be recognisable when you meet.

7. Describe yourself with examples

‘I love good company’ says little. ‘On Sundays I like to find a new coffee place and then walk through the woods for an hour’ immediately paints a picture of your life. What's more, someone can respond to it directly. Make your profile recognisable and specific, without turning it into a CV.

8. Say what you're looking for, without drawing up a list of demands

A sentence like ‘I'm looking for someone who is curious, loves to laugh and also makes time for a good conversation’ sounds more inviting than a long list of things you don't want. Be honest about important wishes, but phrase them positively and humanly.

9. Give the other person something to respond to

End your profile with a small hook, for example: ‘My ideal Sunday ends with homemade pasta. Do you have a better plan?’ Or mention a book, trip, film or hobby you love talking about. That lowers the threshold for the other person to send a first message.

10. Make sure your profile matches who you really are

A funny text is nice, but don't force humour if it doesn't suit you. Do you prefer to take things slowly? Feel free to say so. A profile that suits you is more likely to attract people with whom conversation feels natural. On 4Match you can fill in interests and preferences in addition to photos and search for singles yourself in a targeted way.

3. How do you start a conversation on a dating site?

One of the most frequently asked questions about online dating is: What should I send as a first message? Good news: you don't need a brilliant opening line. A personal message the other person can easily respond to is often a much nicer start.

11. Look at the profile first

What stands out to you? A hobby, a favourite city, a photo of an activity or a special sentence? Pick one detail and respond to it. That shows you've really looked at the person instead of sending the same message to twenty people.

12. Use the formula: observation + something about yourself + question

For example: ‘I saw you love travelling to Italy. I was in Bologna last year and would go back for the food in a heartbeat. What's your favourite place there?’ You show interest, share a bit of yourself and give the other person an easy way in to reply. It's not a fixed rule, but a handy structure when you're short of inspiration.

13. Ask questions that can't be answered with just yes or no

‘Do you like travelling?’ might only get a ‘yes’. ‘Which trip would you take again tomorrow?’ invites a story. Open questions don't work because they sound clever, but because someone can tell you something personal.

14. Keep your first message short and relaxed

Three sentences are usually enough. A whole life story can be overwhelming, while just ‘hi’ offers few hooks. Write the way you would talk in real life. A friendly tone and genuine curiosity matter more than an original joke.

15. Don't be afraid to take the initiative yourself

Waiting for the other person to send a message can mean nothing happens. If you see someone who appeals to you, just say something. It doesn't matter who takes the first step. A first message isn't a grand declaration of love, just an invitation to get acquainted.

12 opening messages you can adapt to someone's profile

Use the examples below as inspiration, not as texts to copy blindly. The best first message refers to something the other person has actually shared.

1. Travel: ‘Your photo from Portugal looked amazing. Which place there stayed with you the most?’
2. Sport: ‘I saw you like running. Do you prefer an easy lap or do you also sign up for races?’
3. Music: ‘You mention live music as a favourite. Which concert would you go to again without hesitation?’
4. Cooking: ‘You write that you love cooking. What's your dish that impresses without spending hours in the kitchen?’
5. Walking: ‘I love being outdoors too. Do you have a favourite walking spot that not everyone knows about yet?’
6. Books: ‘Which book have you read recently that you'd really recommend?’
7. Films: ‘I'm looking for a good film for the weekend. What's your best tip?’
8. Pets: ‘That dog in your photo looks like he wants to be part of everything. What's his name?’
9. Humour: ‘Your profile made me laugh. Is that dry humour always there or only on Tuesdays?’
10. New city: ‘You've only just moved to Utrecht, I read. Have you found a favourite place yet?’
11. When there's little profile information: ‘Your profile keeps the suspense nicely. Tell me: what makes you happy on a free Saturday?’
12. Shared interest: ‘Nice, another person who loves going to museums. Which exhibition surprised you recently?’

What you'd better avoid: just ‘hey’, a sexually charged remark straight away, a copied compliment about appearance or immediately asking for a phone number. A first message doesn't have to be impressive; it should be pleasant to receive.

4. How do you keep a dating conversation going?

The first reply is in. Now what? Many conversations get stuck because both people keep asking the same questions: ‘What do you do for a living?’, ‘How was your day?’ and ‘What are your hobbies?’. An engaging conversation develops when you really build on what someone tells you.

16. Ask more about the answer

Does someone say they love travelling? Don't immediately ask about the next hobby, but about a special moment on a trip. Research into conversations, including speed dates, shows that people who ask more follow-up questions are often rated more positively. It's about attention and engagement, not about firing off as many questions as possible.

17. Tell something about yourself too

A conversation isn't an interview. If someone tells you about a holiday, you can respond with your own experience or opinion before asking a new question. That gives the other person a chance to get to know you better too. A pleasant conversation is a two-way street.

18. Remember small details and come back to them

Did your match tell you about a presentation at work, an exciting sports match or a new pet? Ask about it later. ‘How did that presentation go, by the way?’ can mean more than a random new question. It shows you're listening.

19. Alternate light and personal topics

Feel free to start with food, music or funny experiences. If the conversation naturally deepens, you can ask what someone finds important in a relationship or how they most like to spend their free time. Don't put a whole questionnaire about future plans on the table straight away, but don't get stuck endlessly in superficial messages either.

20. Recognise the difference between a lull and a one-sided conversation

Everyone has busy days. A few hours or a day without a reply doesn't automatically mean a lack of interest. Look at the pattern instead: does the other person ask questions back, take initiative and does the contact feel pleasant? If you structurally have to carry everything, you don't have to keep doing so. Mutual interest is more important than a perfect response time.

Example: from a stilted chat to a real conversation

Stilted:

• You: ‘How was your weekend?’
• Match: ‘Nice, I went walking.’
• You: ‘OK. What do you do for a living?’

With attention and a contribution of your own:

• You: ‘How was your weekend?’
• Match: ‘Nice, I went walking in the national park.’
• You: ‘Lovely. I'm trying to get outside more often myself instead of spending half of Sunday indoors. Was it a long walk or mostly a coffee stop with a few kilometres in between?’
• Match: ‘Haha, mostly the latter. With apple pie, of course.’
• You: ‘Then at least we have the same walking strategy. Do you have a favourite spot there?’

The difference isn't that the second version is cleverer. The other person simply gets more to respond to: a personal experience, a light-hearted remark and a follow-up question.

8 questions for when you run out of things to talk about

• What are you looking forward to most this month?
• What's something small that always makes you happy?
• What does your ideal free Sunday look like?
• Which spontaneous plan turned out surprisingly well?
• What would you like to get better at?
• Which place in your country would you recommend to someone straight away?
• What do your friends think is typically you?
• What do you find important when you get to know someone better?

Don't use all eight in a row. One good question and genuine attention are more valuable than an endless list.

5. From online dating to a first meeting

Chatting is a nice way to discover the first click, but ultimately you only find out during a meeting how it feels to be together. There's no required number of messages or fixed period before meeting up.

21. Look at mutual interest, not the calendar

A good moment to suggest a date is when you're both sharing things, asking questions back and curious about each other. Some people want to meet quickly; others feel more comfortable talking a bit longer first. Both are fine as long as you both feel good about it.

22. Make a clear but casual suggestion

‘We should do something sometime’ is hard to respond to. ‘I really enjoy talking to you. Do you fancy a coffee in town on Saturday afternoon?’ is concrete and low-key. Also make it clear that the other person is welcome to suggest an alternative.

23. Choose a simple first date

A first date doesn't have to be a spectacular outing. A cup of coffee, a short walk on a busy route or a drink on a quiet terrace is often enough. Plan something where you can hear each other and that's easy to extend if you're having a good time.

24. Make practical arrangements together

Discuss where and what time you'll meet, roughly how long the date will last and who arranges what. A central location where you can both arrive and leave independently is pleasant. You don't have to leave everything to chance to be spontaneous.

25. Respect doubt or a rejection

Does someone say that meeting up still feels too soon? Then calmly ask what would feel comfortable for them, without putting on pressure. If you get a clear no, respect it. If the other person doesn't want to meet at all and the contact stalls for you, you're also free to decide to keep looking.

Messages you can use to suggest a first date:

• ‘I notice I keep looking forward to our conversations. Fancy a coffee this weekend?’
• ‘We talk about Italian food a lot by now. Shall we continue that discussion in real life over a drink?’
• ‘I'd love to meet you. Does Thursday after work suit you, or is the weekend easier?’
• ‘No rush, of course, but if you'd like that too, we could meet somewhere in town soon.’

6. First date tips: meeting up relaxed and getting to know each other

The first date isn't about a flawless impression, but about whether you feel comfortable and remain curious. These dating tips make the meeting easier.

26. Choose a date that suits you both

A walk is nice if you both like being active. A quiet café is better if you want to talk. And a museum can be ideal if you share an interest. Tailor the plan to who you are, not to what's promoted online as the ‘most romantic date’.

27. Look well-groomed, but stay yourself

Choose clothes you feel comfortable in and make sure you're on time. These are simple ways to show consideration for the other person. You don't have to adopt a completely new style or organise an expensive evening. A sincere introduction is more important than a perfect presentation.

28. Put your phone away and really listen

Give the other person your attention. Ask follow-up questions, respond to stories and share your own experiences too. A silence isn't immediately a problem: you can look around for a moment, smile or start a new topic. A date isn't an oral exam.

29. Talk about what matters, without interrogating each other

Hobbies, friends, travel and funny moments are fine topics. As trust develops, relationship wishes and important values will come up naturally. You don't need to know each other's entire past on the first evening. Respect it when someone would rather not talk about something yet.

30. Make sure the first date stays safe and pleasant

Meet in a public place, tell someone you trust where you are and arrange your own transport. Don't share your home address straight away and never feel obliged to stay longer, have physical contact or go somewhere else. Be alert to pressure, requests for money or stories that don't add up. The Dutch Fraud Helpdesk (Dutch), for example, describes how dating fraud can start with rapid intimacy and later a request for money.

15 fun date ideas for a first or second meeting

Tip: preferably keep a first meeting simple and in a public place. A film or concert can be great, but you talk little during the performance; combine it with a drink if you like. Avoid a remote walk or a date at someone's home as a first meeting.

7. After the first date: how do you build a relationship?

31. Ask yourself whether you enjoyed it

After a date, many people are preoccupied with whether the other person found them attractive. Turn that around. Did you feel at ease? Was there mutual interest? Did you laugh? And are you curious about more? You don't have to know for sure after one meeting whether this is a future partner.

32. Send a message if you'd like to see someone again

There's no need to wait before texting because you'd otherwise seem ‘too enthusiastic’. Did you have a good time? Say so. For example: ‘I really enjoyed this afternoon, especially our conversation about travelling. I'd love to see you again.’ A friendly and clear message makes it easy for the other person to respond.

33. Give a second date a chance if you're curious

Sometimes there's a lot of attraction straight away; sometimes it only develops once the nerves disappear. Was the first date pleasant, did it feel safe and are you curious about the other person? Then a second meeting can be worthwhile. If, on the other hand, you feel reluctant or your boundaries weren't respected, you don't have to give anyone a second chance.

34. Be clear if it doesn't click for you

You don't have to explain at length why you don't want to see someone again. A short, respectful message is usually enough: ‘Thanks for the lovely afternoon. For me, I didn't feel the romantic click I'm looking for. I wish you all the best.’ That way you don't leave someone in unnecessary uncertainty.

35. Build a relationship with attention and reciprocity

A lasting relationship doesn't start with one perfect date, but with the way you keep treating each other. Keep your promises, be curious about each other's lives, make room for differences and discuss expectations as you continue dating. Don't just look at beautiful words, but also at behaviour. Attraction is important; trust, respect and reciprocity make the difference when getting to know each other becomes more serious.

Common mistakes in online dating

Even with the best tips, a conversation can dry up or a date can be disappointing. That's part of it. Watch out in particular for these pitfalls:

• Selecting on photos alone: also look at character, interests, stage of life and relationship goals.
• Copying standard messages: a personal detail usually works better than a rehearsed opening line.
• Turning a chat into an interview: alternate questions with your own stories and reactions.
• Talking online for too long: meet up when there's mutual interest and enough trust.
• Taking rejection personally: not every introduction has to be a match, even when nobody did anything wrong.
• Ignoring signals because you'd like a relationship: take pressure, disrespectful behaviour and requests for money seriously.

Your checklist for a pleasant and safe first date

Before the date:

• Know where you're meeting and how you'll get home independently.
• Choose a public place where you can hear each other.
• Let someone you trust know who you're meeting and where.
• Check that your phone is charged.
• Remember that you don't have to prove anything.

During the date:

• Listen, ask follow-up questions and tell something about yourself too.
• Respect each other's personal boundaries.
• Only stay as long as you feel comfortable.
• Enjoy the moment instead of constantly judging whether this is ‘the one’.

After the date:

• Ask yourself whether you felt good and safe.
• Let the other person know if you'd like to meet again.
• Be clear and friendly if you don't want a follow-up.

Frequently asked questions about dating tips

What are the best tips for online dating?

Start with an honest profile and recent photos, search by interests and relationship goals, send personal messages and take the time to get to know each other. Let the chat turn into a safe, low-key meeting when you're both ready.

How do you start a conversation with someone on a dating site?

Respond to something specific in their profile. For example, mention that you share a hobby and ask one open question about it. ‘I see you love cooking. Which dish do you most like to make for friends?’ gives more to talk about than just ‘hi’.

How do you keep an online dating conversation going?

Ask more about what someone tells you, share something about yourself too and remember earlier details. Let the topic develop instead of asking a new standard question every time. Also check whether the interest comes from both sides.

How long should you chat before meeting up?

There's no fixed rule. Meet when you have pleasant contact, there's mutual interest and you feel safe enough. A video call beforehand can be nice if you want extra certainty.

What's the best thing to do on a first date?

Choose a public place where you can talk calmly, such as a café, terrace, museum or busy market. A first date doesn't have to last long. The goal is to find out whether you click in real life.

What questions do you ask on a first date?

Ask about topics someone is enthusiastic about: what an ideal day off looks like, a special trip, favourite music or what someone finds important in life. Use follow-up questions and tell something about yourself too. Don't turn it into a barrage of questions.

What should you do if your date stops responding?

Wait calmly and send one friendly follow-up message if you like. If there's still no reply, you don't have to keep insisting. Invest instead in contact with someone who also shows interest in you.

How do you find a serious relationship through online dating?

Be clear about your relationship goals, look beyond attraction alone and get to know someone step by step. Pay attention to reliability, communication, shared values and mutual initiative. Read more about this on our page about finding a serious relationship.

The most important dating tip: stay curious about the other person and about yourself

Successful dating doesn't mean that every conversation leads to a date or that every first date ends in a relationship. It means meeting new people honestly and openly, guarding your boundaries and discovering who you really click with. With a good profile, personal conversations and relaxed meetings you increase that chance, without pretending to be someone else.

Want to put these dating tips into practice? On 4Match you can date online for free, search specifically for singles who suit you and first get to know each other calmly through messages. New profiles and photos are checked. Even so, it remains important to stay alert yourself and get to know each other at your own pace.

Start small: choose one profile that appeals to you today, read it carefully and send a personal message. Sometimes a beautiful introduction starts with one sincere question.